Oh for a deep deep sleep.

August 12, 2011 at 6:26 pm (life) (, , )

I looked in the mirror yesterday for the first time in a few
days.  I was surprised with what I saw.  Now, I know that I am tired, but
where did these dark circles come from?  The edges of my face are a little swollen from the ear infections.  I have had no appetite lately, probably because eating hurts, and I am so slow at it.
My hair was gross because I haven’t showered in a few days out of fear
of getting my ears wet which probably led to the infections in the first place.  On the plus side, the spotting from the
miscarriage seems to have stopped.

I don’t know how much more I can take.  My ears hurt a lot, I am getting headaches, and my jaw hurts.  I am waking up multiple
times a night, which means I am perpetually exhausted.  I’ve been taking vicodin every 3-4 hours, and the pain doesn’t go away, it just gets duller.  My ears are plugged, creating a vacuum noise in both ears.  One ear is a little better, but the other is getting worse.   On an average night I sleep for about 3 hours at a time, usually waking between 11 and midnight, and again between 2 and 4.  It’s been over a week
since I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep.  I don’t feel rested.  Because I’m so tired, it makes everything else feel much worse.

All of this makes me feel bad for my husband. Lately, I feel
like he has to do so much for me, and he does it all without complaining, while putting in crazy hours at work.  Monday night he helped some friends move.  Tuesday I was out with some of the women and he took care of the house.  Wednesday he needed to return a movie and surprised me with a diet Snapple.  The last several nights he has come home to find me exhausted on the couch, a heating bad over one ear.  He’s done laundry while I was napping, loaded the dishwasher while I was asleep, paid bills while I was out of it, and generally just taken good care of me.  Right now I can tell you that I am so grateful for him.

I feel like I have been dealing with the physical issues with my ears that I haven’t had a chance to deal with the emotional aspects of
last weekend.  My darling husband told me that once we get this dealt with we will go away for a weekend.  I think we both need that, more than anything.  It doesn’t have to be an expensive hotel or a fancy destination, just a night or two away from everything here.  Oh to rest and get a break!  Although, I will probably just sleep most of the weekend.

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