Memories in a box

November 11, 2011 at 3:35 am (Intro)

I may have done something a little nutty, but it made sense at the time. Two days before our miscarriage, when we knew that it was inevitable, I got a crazy notion that we had to buy our baby a teddy bear. I think part of me thought that if we bought such a toy, invested in what we were trying to grasp, it would make things all better. We had already purchased a sweet, soft baby blanket and a Ducky picture frame for the ultrasounds. We had a few other small things as well. Those few nights leading up to the miscarriage, the blanket stayed on our bed, near our pillows, and the teddy bear was right there too. It was about three weeks after the miscarriage that I was able to put them in our Ducky box.
Our Ducky box has been a big way that we’ve dealt with our grief. About a week after we miscarried, I went to Jo-Ann’s and bought a plain wooden box with a small clasp. I painted the whole thing white, and bought ribbon imprinted with ducks and bubbles.
When we felt ready, we gathered up what we had of Ducky’s stuff, and lovingly tucked it away. The box is in our bedroom, and will eventually be put into our closet, tucked away. It’s become something that we don’t truly see anymore, and I think that’s okay. It holds all of the things we bought for the baby we didn’t have, ultrasound pics, the blanket and teddy, and a few more items. It’s our little memory box.
We are the type of people who like to plan and prepare, and it was the same for the littlest baby that we were waiting on. I imagine that when we get pregnant again, it will be the same. We will cautiously gather up this and that for our munchkin to be. Instead of Ducky, our nickname for our newest being might be Squirrel or Sea Horse or even the ever popular Bean (probably not, I don’t like that one). As we collect a little of this and a little of that, we will remember what has happened before, but I know we’ll still gather up stuff. Shoudl the worst happen again, I imagine we will be like the rose bushes in the movie version of The Help, a little collection of memories in a tangible memory. Maybe that’s a little creepy, but it’s 2:30 a.m. and I’m feeling a little melancholy.
I guess that I just wanted to share one way that we’ve dealt with our grief.

Advertisements

2 Comments

  1. Natalie Stroble said,

    You are an amazing inspiration, I think this is a wonderful way for you two to process those memories and thoughts. My heart grieves for you when I read this. I think that you are such a strong person for finding ways like this to process yours and Wyatts grief and I admire you 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: