That petty green eyed monster

November 11, 2011 at 3:30 am (Intro)

I have a friend from college who is pregnant, no, that’s not right. I have 7 friends who are pregnant, and 24 friends who have a kiddo under the age of 1 1/2. Those are just based on my facebook friends (and I only have 153 of those as I am a little choosy about all that). This means that approximately 20% of my friends are pregnant or have little ones. In real life, it’s probably closer to 10% of the people I routinely interact with are either pregnant or have been recently, but still! Today a friend annouced that she and her husband are excited to welcome Baby 2 in June.
As I hear (read) announcements like this, I cannot help but feel that petty green eyed monster paying me a visit. I told my husband tonight that it hurts because it was supposed to be our turn. We even have one friend who is due two days after we were supposed to be due. As I see her update her status and post ultrasound pics, I have to hide it all. It hurts. About a week ago she posted her gender reveal, and I couldn’t help but think that it should be our turn to find out. It bothers me that, this side of Heaven, I won’t know if we lost our little girl or little boy. We had names picked out that just felt right, and we won’t know.
When the emerald pest pays me a visit, I turn to my husband to tell me that it’s okay. I post online about how not fair it all feels, and through it all, I wish a healthy pregnancy to all of them. Our hearts broke that August 4th night as we lost what we so desperately wanted to keep, and I would pray that nobody has to feel that way. We really are truly happy for our friends; we just wish we were celebrating too.

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