Other half, better half, it’s all the same

January 5, 2012 at 5:04 pm (Intro)

I know I’ve talked about adding a new member to our family a lot lately, but I want to focus on my husband for a few.

Hubs at Christmas in the Park, ice skating under the palms

Hubs is a wonderful man who blessed me 3 1/2 years ago when he asked me to share his life.  Even though he is a little younger than me, he is incredibly wise and mature (most of the time).  To provide for his family, he is often out the door by 7 a.m. and not home until nearly 6 p.m.  He is an active partner is charting as a form of family planning, and he tries to never tell me no (not that I’m spoiled, promise).  He gives up his weekends to help with women’s ministry events if I am unable to attend, and is always beside me when I can go to various events.  If I say that something is important to me, he learns about it and makes it important to him.

Hubs, helping me make cupcakes after our cake decorating class

We met through theater during the fall of 2006 and acted together. We became much closer friends during the spring of 2007, and started dating April of 2007, right before I graduated. I moved to his hometown because I’d applied to do my Master’s work there before we’d started dating, and we got to spend the summer together.  That following fall he went back to the school we’d met at because he still needed to finish 3 semesters of schooling. Although we were only about 30 miles apart, we only got to see each other every 2-3 weeks.  He was involved in student leadership, played on the baseball team, was still doing theater, and was an honors student.  I was working full-time and was a full-time graduate student.

Because we were both so busy, it would have been easy to make our relationship less important, have it take a backseat to everything else, but we decided that we were too important to each other to do that.  We devised a plan of nightly phone calls (usually at least 45 minutes, often going to nearly 2 hours!), doing Bible study together over the phone, and visits as often as possible.  This meant sacrifices for both of us though.  My apartment had poor cellphone service, so I’d walk around outside or stand by the pool every night.  He travelled with the baseball team and got a lot of ribbing from his teammates.  Depending on our schedules, some calls wouldn’t start until 9:30 or 10:00 p.m. and he often had morning classes at 8 a.m. but had to be up earlier to work on sports conditioning.  But through it all, we decided it was worth it for us to invest the time. It wasn’t always easy, and on a one occassion in particular, we nearly walked away from it all, yet we kept it up.

Every relationship requires sacrifice, but here’s the interesting part: neither of us had ever dated anybody else before! He’d gone on 2 or 3 dates in high school, just times where he’d invited a girl to prom or winter formal, but that was it.  I hadn’t even done that.  Neither of us had ever held hands with a member of the opposite sex, no first kisses, nothing.  And so as we had to learn about having a relationship with each other, we also had to learn about how to be in a relationship. We had to learn the balance between significant other and friends, how to give in or stand your ground, how to compromise, how to communicate, and it wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it.

Hubs going to dinner for his birthday

One of the things that was vitally important to us was to find a church we could attend together, and then to attend as often as possible.  We held each other accountable when we weren’t together.  We also had to determine physical and emotional boundaries.  We chose to abstain from sex until marriage, but had to determine what that meant was okay and wasn’t.  We had to make the conscious decision to invest in each other emotionally, financially (gas wasn’t cheap), physically (time, energy, and touch) and in every other possible way.  Because we decided that our relationship was important to us, we had to be willing to be devoted even if we couldn’t always be together.  It was hard work, but it was also incredibly rewarding.

One of the best parts of a new relationship is trying new things together. He took me to my first baseball game. I talked him into going ballroom dancing.  He helped me understand how to navigate the Bay Area; I showed him how fun it is to get lost.  He found parks for us to explore; I taught him how fun it is to stay out later than usual to spend time together.  Before me, he thought that 9:30 was a great bedtime, but while we were dating 11:30 and midnight became friends of his.  Relationships are about doing things together and for each other.

I am blessed to have a husband who is incredibly supportive and encourages me in all that we do. Our wedding vows included the oft-used “two shall cleave together” and “man shall leave his family” and we’ve taken those vows awfully seriously.”  I do not thing there is one thing that I would change about the relationship between the two of us.  Not long after we were engaged, I wrote on my myspace (anybody still remember those?) that he “isn’t perfect, but he’s the perfect man for me” and that is still true to this day.

Going out for New Year's Eve

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1 Comment

  1. alleyrose said,

    Its so nice to hear of another couple who took abstaining until marriage as seriously as me and DH did. It certainly wasn’t a popular decision, and we heard a whole lot about it until we finally got married. Certainly wasn’t the EASY decision, either.
    I love that you dedicated a whole post to your hubby – he sounds like he’s fantastic for you.

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