Diabetes sucks, or weight and body issues during pregnancy

October 18, 2012 at 7:38 am (Intro)

I want to be transparent with you all. I’m pretty open about the whole “diabetes sucks” during pregnancy, but I’ve really been struggling lately. Apparently once you hit the third trimester, which I did a few weeks ago, it gets harder to control.  I was warned it was coming, but figured that I’d be fine.

I’m not.

Knowing that there is something so basic that my body is incapable of doing, something that can have long-term negative affects on my little girl, is really depressing. I’ve dealt with these feelings off and on during pregnancy, but lately it’s been hitting me hard.  The last two weeks I’ve had to up my insulin doses and I have a feeling that when I go in to see the doctor on Monday, I won’t have good news about my weight. This makes me feel like I’m failing, like I’m doing something wrong.

In regards to weight, I have no room to complain. I’ve been doing really well. But. There’s always a but. From the beginning of this pregnancy, it’s been explained that the best thing for me was to not surpass my pre-pregnancy weight.  Most women who have the build and BMI that I do are advised to gain no more than about 15 pounds during pregnancy.  During my first trimester I lost 13 pounds.  Towards the end of my second trimester, I gained about 7 pounds back. At my last appointment, I was still down 4 pounds from my initial weight. While all of this sounds grand, I feel like if I pass my pre-preg weight, which I’ll probably do at this appointment or my next, I’ll have failed.  I know this isn’t rational, but it’s early, I’m sleep deprived and hormonal.

I know the weight gain is mostly baby and all the fun she brings with her, but as somebody who has had weight and body hang-ups her whole life, it’s really hard to give yourself permission to let it go.  It doesn’t help that Hubs can eat any and everything and be disappointed that he’s not gaining weight. He’s a bean pole!  He’s very supportive though, and never makes me feel bad about my body; rather, he always tells me how attractive I am and how appealing my body is to him.

UGH!  Sorry, vent-y rant over.  How did you deal with body issues during pregnancy?


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