Hello Mommy

September 5, 2014 at 2:05 pm (family, life, toddler)

I know it’s been something like a year and a half since I have posted, and that probably nobody will ready this, and that’s okay.

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I’ve been thinking about parenting a lot. My little A is over 20 months, and we are already planning her second birthday party. No idea where that time has gone. Work is intense, with jobs lost and gained since I typed here last, and so many life changes. and that’s okay.

Here’s what’s on my heart right now.

The change from Momma to Mommy is sweet, but so sad as you realize it means that your little one is growing up.

For the Mom who sits on the train looking as though she’d pay the moon for a little more rest, it won’t last forever.

For the Daddy who has a toddler who only wants Mom when you are together, she’ll get over it, and be back to Daddy’s little girl soon.

For the parents who are dealing with a tantrum, followed by tears, and then another tantrum, you aren’t doing this wrong. It’s all a part of the age.

For the house that full of toys and discarded newspaper, and lots of laughs and giggles, it’s worth it.

For the thought that you can’t remember the last time you got more than 4-5 hours of sleep without an interruption, sleep will come.

For the toddler who wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, scared of the dark, Mommy and Daddy will always be there for you.

For the employers who overlook a lot of tired days and toddler stories, the littles do grow up.

It’s the realizing that “Choo” means “Shoe” and “Scheez” is “Cheese”, that “Goo” is “Goose” and “I Goo” means your toddler hears you when you tease and call her a goose, and is teasing you right back. It’s the 2 a.m. tears that calm when you cuddle. It’s the laughs and squeals and running the other way that show that your little girl isn’t such a baby anymore.

And it’s the dawning thought that this isn’t going to last forever, that this is flying by, and there’s nothing you would rather do more than love.

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If you haven’t ridden a bike in a while…

April 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm (family, Intro, life) (, , )

More like nearly 8 years!

We bought a bike that I can ride. Hubs is a little gravity challenged and isn’t doing so well….so I decided to ride my bike to the grocery store and farmer’s market today.  Here are 5 things I learned:

1) Don’t start by going up a hill. Even though it was fairly gradual, my lungs and legs hurt by the halfway point so I walked it the rest of the way up the hill. Riding after that was a little better.

2) Some cities are not bike friendly. I rode on the sidewalks which is a big no-no, but I didn’t trust the traffic.

3) Take a bag that carries enough but won’t be too heavy. I grabbed Hubs’ old backpack from high school and that was perfect.

4) Take water! By the time I got to Safeway (maybe a mile) I was dying!

5) Empty your pockets! I lost my keys after about 1/2 a mile. I heard them fall and was able to stop and pick them up, but just put everything in your bag.

Hubs and I went for a walk last night. Well, I walked, he ran; he’s crazy that way.  Today I road a bike for about 45 minutes. These are all good steps towards being healthy. A not so good step was eating bbq chips for breakfast. It made me feel like throwing up.  Note to self: don’t do that again.

I am now tired, but it’s the good sort of tired that tells you that you’ve accomplished something.

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Worst week ever

August 9, 2011 at 2:05 am (Baby Ducky, family, life) (, )

Last week was the hardest week of my life.  As you know, Wyatt and I have been super excited about becoming parents in March.  Well, on Monday, the doctor noticed some problems, and said be prepared for the worse possible scenario.    On Friday we had a check-up and were told that at our 9 ½ weeks, our little baby only measured 6 ½ weeks and there was no longer a heartbeat.  Friday evening I had a miscarriage.  To start a day pregnant and to end it not pregnant is agony.

We had the option to use a surgical procedure or pills to help my body finish the process.  Using the pills and feeling the pain as my body ended my pregnancy was the hardest thing that I have ever done.  I am blessed to have a husband who was supportive and understanding.  Our Friday  night was filled with the heartache of knowing that this little person that we had fallen in love with in such a short month would never be in our arms. We had begun to look at nursery items and seriously consider names, planning on a future with our Little One, when we were told that through no fault of our own, we wouldn’t have that time.

My husband and I have been blessed to have supportive friends and family. We got together with some of the women from our church on Saturday, and they were an absolute blessing, letting me talk about how hard Friday was.  On Sunday, our church family prayed with us
and we received hugs, love, and prayers.
I feel like we are healing, but I know it is going to be a long road
before we are there.  I read that having a miscarriage takes away the innocent excitement of pregnancy, and I can already feel that.  We have discussed when we will be able to try again, and even though we know it will be a few months before we are physically ready, I don’t know if emotionally we will be ready.  Last week,  as we prepared for the possibility of losing our baby and then dealing with the reality of it, we were comforted by the fact that God will be there with us through all that we are dealing with.  It’s truly been a time of leaning of Him and trusting that He knows what is best for us.

At one point Friday night, I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor, in pain despite the medicine, and hurting.  Wyatt was sitting in the hall, trying to be with me and supportive.  I remembered the hymn that comforted me when my dad has his heart attack, when work got absolutely overwhelming, and whenever life hurts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEliTT3y0to

There is just something about the lyrics that calms my heart and reminds who is truly in charge.  While we will never know why God chose for our baby to be at home with him instead of here with us, I know that we will get to see our baby someday.

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It’s almost noon and I’m still in my jammies.

June 27, 2011 at 6:57 pm (family, life) (, , )

Happy Summer! Even though school let out two weeks ago, today is my first day to relax!  I’m not up at Mom’s house helping her unpack, and I am not rushing to work, but that’s okay.  Let me give you an update on what’s been happening in my life:

Mom is all moved! For the first time ever she has her own place that she doesn’t have to share with anybody.  This is a huge thing for my mom and I am so proud of her.

We’re moving!  We found an awesome condo over in Concord, had some drama, got a lease signed, and now the packing commences.  Oh boy.  I really do hate moving, but it will make Hubs’ commute go from an hour to 25 minutes.  Plus, it is close enough that we can go to our church still.  Yay.

I’ve a new/old job.  I am back working for my textbook company.  My old boss was so excited to have me back and to be honest, I needed her enthusiasm.  It was so different from what I’ve been feeling from others lately.  I’ve gotten really discouraged about work lately, but this makes things a lot better.  Also, there is a huge amount of flexibility so I can work when I want to and all will be well.

Money is TIGHT.  Ugh.  Paying a month’s rent on two apartments, but the security deposit means that there are no splurges happening right now.  That being said, clipping coupons and seeing how much I have to spend (or not spend) is like a game to me.  My current goal is to get groceries for this week for under $25, and based on talking to Hubs, we need quite a bit.

My mom is coming for a brief visit.  She comes down a few times a year, but this time is significant because we are trying to get her together with hubs’ parents too.  The last time they were together was at the wedding, which was over a year and a half ago.  We are hoping that a late Friday dinner will work, if not, we will aim for a Saturday brunch.  This is super important to us right now…tell you why soon.

So there’s my life in a nutshell.  God is faithful, and though our worlds may fall apart a bit, Hubs and I are holding on tight to God and his plans for us.

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Round and round….

May 10, 2011 at 7:06 pm (family, life, teaching) (, , )

I found out a few weeks ago that I will not be teaching at my school next year.  I knew that there was a possibility of me dropping down to 4 or 5 classes instead of full-time 6, but I didn’t expect to be told to look elsewhere.  I gotta tell you that it sure hurts.  I’ve never been let go from a job before and it’s quite a blow to the pride.  For me the hardest part is knowing that there are some amazing students here that I won’t be working with. 

Because of some comments made by my boss I no longer feel comfortable at work.  Every time I see or hear something others say, I’m paranoid.  After a sneak-attack meeting where others were able to hear what was said, I’m full of doubt about who I am and doing what I thought God has called to do.  Add the sneak-attack to a very not nice email and a pretentious, act-like-he-didn’t-say-anything attitude and I am one very guarded girl. 

And it isn’t just me!  Another teacher had something similar happen to her.  Hubby’s job just gave him a raise and a promotion, so we are staying in the area, and we love our church (for the most part) so we want to stay in the area, maybe  move closer to Hubby’s job so his commute is shorter, but now starts the job search again.  UGH!

This move hasn’t been all bad.  We moved up here a year ago and since have become much closer to some friends of ours.  Financially we are better off here because the cost of living is cheaper than where we were. We decided more on when we want to start our family, and it’s sooner than we thought!   Also, we’ve added some awesome friends to our group (YAY!).  Now if I only knew what I was going to do for a job at the end of June…

Oh, and my foot? Still in a cast. 😦

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Such a Monday!

March 7, 2011 at 7:55 pm (family, teaching) (, , )

Hello.  May I just say that my Monday isn’t even half over and I do not know if I am going to survive this week!  I have parents complaining about grades and about assignments.  I have students who absolutely refuse to listen in class and parents wonder why their child gets in trouble.  I even have students who behave in such a way that it borders on sexual harassment.  And the thing is, I like my students, I like my job, I like my school.  I have a student who isn’t even in my class who does her best to make sure things go roughly for me!  Each day I realize that I am not cut out to teach junior high.  I do not have the patience or the fortitude! God bless those who do!!! I envy the teachers who are called to teach junior high. 

I am sure many of you are familiar with March Madness. I don’t actually know what it is and think it has something to do with basketball.  Anyways, I heard a fellow teacher today use the term to describe how hard March is on teachers because we do not have any 3-day weekends or other no school days.  And they are right.  It’s only the 7th but I can already tell that March is going to be one stressful month!  In addition to different evening school activities for math and art, we also have missions stuff going on for my fast approaching trip to Ecuador with 8-9 students, I am starting an independent study class through FPU, I have various parent-teacher meetings scheduled, and it’s all stressful!

That being said, Husband did a great job planning a date on Friday.  He took me out for dinner and then drove me to a day spa where I had a one-hour professional massage…heavenly!  He is the best!!!  According to him, he hates that I have been so stressed and thinks that we need to make sure that I routinely have some way to relax,  and since he knows that I carry stress in my neck and back, massage it is! Now, I am not counting on something like this every few weeks, but perhaps I will get to know the people who run the massage place at the mall.  We could swing $40 every few weeks.   Have I mentioned that I love him!!!!!

Church is going well.  We’ve missed a few weeks here and there with being sick, but I love how supportive  everybody has been!  I just adore doing children’s church because it lets me love on the little ones.  They are so excited about everything and that’s what I need. I need the reminder that God is something to get excited about!  It’s so easy to fall into a rut and just stop being dedicated. 

Thoughts?

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Dating after marriage

March 5, 2011 at 1:02 am (family) ()

One of the things that my husband and I both feel strongly about is that we still need to go on dates.  We aim for one or two a month,  but these dates also cause a little friction between us.

One of the things you will learn about me is that I am a planner.  I love to plan things, especially things that won’t happen (like a 4 week vacation to Paris and London…sigh).   Before you ask yourself what that has to do with dates, allow me to answer.  I like to plan dates.  I love spending a few hours online looking for fun things to do  in the area we moved to about 8 months ago.  I usuallyhave  a blank text message saved on my phone that I save date ideas into.   One that I am currently saving for a nice day is a trip to some local batting cages.  My husband played baseball in college, and high school, and middle school, and probably even before then.   He loves baseball.   The thing about baseball…that was a random aside.  Forgive me.

Why do dates (pleasant) cause friction (unpleasant)?  Well, I plan most of our dates.  Like, it’s been at least 6 or 7 monrhs since Husband has planned a date.  So he planned one for tonight.  But it is 5 p.m. and I am still sitting at work, waiting on him, the work that got done at 3:15 this afternoon.  I have no idea what we are doing tonight, except food better be a part of it.   I am so excited that he is planning a date for us, but jeez I wish I knew what we were doing and that he was here! Not that I am a control freak…

On a happy note, Target has yummy trail mix on sale this week (munch, munch, munch) and a friend offered me free tickets to a bunch of Oakland A’s games (his favorite team).  They work at the stadium and get tons of tickets…coolness.

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Weekends with family, or living with diabetes

February 28, 2011 at 8:06 pm (diabetes, family) (, )

One of the things that I love about my husband is his family. He has a twin sister who is a sweetheart, lives in her own busy little universe but a sweetheart none the less.  His dad is one of the smartest people I know.  If I ever have a question about anything, he usually knows the answer and is always willing to help out.  His mom is the best hostess ever.  Within 5 minutes of entering their home, if you do not have a beverage in your hand there is something wrong.  They both go utterly out of their way to make sure that everybody is happy and taken care of. 

Because of how hospitable they are, I was really nervous about telling them I am diabetic.  It’s not that I thought they would say anything wrong, it’s that they are so overly-caring and I didn’t want them to make adjustments for this. I didn’t want to cause them to change plans/ideas/etc, and I definitely didn’t want them to think we could go places or do certain things just because of me.  I was really worried about this.    I wanted to be able to answer their questions, but I didn’t want it to be anything weird. 

Well, I told them a few weeks ago, and this past weekend was our first visit since.  His mom, per her usual self, kept plying us with soda, juice, snacks, with me just accepting water.  She and I eventually went on a walk and I tried to explain that soda and juice are things that I pretty much avoid now.  Also, I try to be careful about too much snacking.  All was well, so I thought. 

I’m finding that it’s hard for me to turn down stuff, not because I am hungry but because I do not want to hurt anybody’s feelings.  This is something I struggle with at work too. When we have meetings there is usually a big jar of candy that the vice-principal brings…and I sit there with my apple.  When we have staff meetings with lunch provided, it’s always pizza.  I get that pizza is cheap for feeding all of us, but I sit there with my sandwich, brought from home.  People are way too awesome about offering to grab me a slice, or a piece of candy, and I just smile and say no, trying to laugh it off.  It kinda sucks sometimes.  Our PTA will bring in bagels and goodies once a month, bagels, cream cheese, cake, cupcakes, doughnuts.  All sugary carbs that wreck havic with me. 

Lately my husband and I have been talking about when we want to start a family, so I discussed it with my nutritionist (who is also a diabetes specialist).  Apparently I will need to go on medication first so that my blood glucose level doesn’t hurt our baby.  And when I am pregnang? Nothing quite like poking your finger 6-8 times a DAY just to make sure all is well…in addition to weekly appointments with a diabetes specialist. 

Well, enough venting and complaining for now.  Regardless of the journey from here to family (no, we aren’t starting yet) and the challenges I encounter eating at places other than home, I am convinced that I was diagnosed when I was for a reason.  God has a plan in all of this, and it’s not up to me to second guess what God has in the works.  If my biggest complaint about my in-laws is that they are too nice, I probably need to keep my mouth shut.  And may I say that my husband is the best, most sweetest and caring guy ever? He goes so far above and beyond what he needs to do, and it is all out of love.  I’m so very blessed.

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